Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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