Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize