It's Friday. Sex?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
