the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
