i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
