After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
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the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
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Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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