he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
