there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
