Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Someone came in the potted fern
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
