and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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