And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
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Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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