she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
