This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
