he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm getting married
To pizza
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
