I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
