What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
