people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
