Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
