how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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