What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
