he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
