you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
