I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
