Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
