woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Couch. On fire.
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