I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
