Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
