I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
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I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
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If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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