yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize