I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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