Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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