Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
