Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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