she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
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Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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