Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
