No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I need to calm my uterus...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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