Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
