so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
