About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
