I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
