Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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