Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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