Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
