Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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