Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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