Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
