So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so let's talk penis.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
