pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
