the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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