Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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