Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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