Nicole vs. Life
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
