then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
