dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
