my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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