she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
