You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
