I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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