Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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