he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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