Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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