How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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