Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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