You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
