Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
