Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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