Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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