We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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