Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my shit smells like andre
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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